chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
