why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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