just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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