Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
