Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I think people are normalizing furries
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
