I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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