Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
