Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
