And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize