I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
