so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize