I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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