I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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