This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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