CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
ugly people sure do ruin things
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Also, beer. Big fan.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize