you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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