K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
