I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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