I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
