Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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