Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
