I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
