Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
