I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize