So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
