So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
