Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
