hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
