Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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