Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just googled if crying burns calories
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
