This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
