Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
