Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I think im going to throw up on grandma
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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