Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize