it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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