I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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