end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
whose parrot is this?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
