meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
