I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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