walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
