i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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