I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
