i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
