Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
