Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
