Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
