So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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