I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
