They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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