god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
