third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
