do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
