I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
