dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
