Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
