It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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