you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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