If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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