the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
