whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
