I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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