ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
