I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
