my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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