Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
