Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
