I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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