I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
