ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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