he told me I talked like a deaf person
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
