im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I deserve this hangover.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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