I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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