just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
