We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
