he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
