Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
