She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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